One More Thing

I have considered writing a story on my life a few times, I’m sure some would find it interesting. I think it’s incredibly unique and although I didn’t thoroughly appreciate everything I went through, I have learned plenty of lessons. This post is my life so far in a nutshell.

Commonly enough I was born nearly 23 years ago to my mom and my M.I.A. father. Evidently my dad knew about my existence but chose not to have practically anything to do with me. I’m sure my mom was aware that he didn’t care one bit so she kept me private from his side of the family, until I was three years old, hospitalized for anemia (blood transfusion, yeah!). He “finds out” about me three weeks prior to marrying my (cliche) evil step-mom, Shelley. Mom is still single and poor living in Garden Grove until I turn six. She meets a man who later became my abusive step-father. By the way, I would like to add that I am not looking for any empathy I am just telling it like it is. Life happens.

We move to the city of sin for about a year (as my step-father was in the great U.S. Air Force as a military COP and stationed at Nellis A.F.B.). We also move to cities like Sonoma, Tustin, Lake Forest, and Westminster. Yes, a lot of moving. Something I would NEVER do to my children.

Probably the worst part of my life (so far!) happens here. Being a victim of continuous abuse is agonizing yet it seems just a part of everyday life. To make matters worse, a child who is in an abusive situation completely throws off his or her perception of life and the way it should/could be. I chose to bring my story to the police when I was 13 years old. My step-dad went to jail for a while and my mom stayed with him.That fact alone is completely devastating. My mom is from a different country in Asia and I really believe that her choosing her husband over child is something she would have learned where she is from. Although the doctors stated they had plenty of evidence to put him away for life and beyond he did not stay in the pen. I chose not to testify against him. I know that I was afraid and ashamed of everything and I couldn’t bring myself to the stand. But I choose not to regret keeping my mouth shut.

Unfortunately I kept a few grudges during high school. Of course, because my mom chose her criminal husband over me I was forced to live with my real father. At this point I am 14 years old starting my first year of high school. I didn’t have too much fun or good memories during this era. I was very unhappy with what both sets of parents had done to me. I didn’t get along with my step-mom. I wasn’t popular in high school at all and I reverted back to what I knew. I had somewhat of a “boyfriend” who was very abusive also. In fact I carried this way of behavior on until my very last boyfriend. I’ve gone through three crazy partners. It has taken me 21 years to see that I am an important person and I should never stand for abuse or disrespect.

My last boyfriend is the father of my first child, Riley. He was a nice person at first, but eventually became very controlling. He was also quite a bit older than me (at 18 years old, he was 25). Living with him was “Jackie, do things this way” or “Jackie you better dress like that” et cetera. I am still not out of the abusive mode, and I didn’t realize that being controlled can be a form of abuse too. He was the first (and only, I will never stand for this again) boyfriend to cheat on me, with his ex-girlfriend. His explanation for his poor actions was that he felt so sorry for her having to go to Iraq for awhile (she is the mother of his first child, so they have ties. Whatever.)

I left him after three trying years, and now I am with the person I would pretty much call my husband. I couldn’t have it any better or be treated any sweeter. I will not stand for any form of abuse again. My two goals in life are to enjoy the ride and make my children happy. I am proud to say that I have endured abuse and walked right past it. No one deserves to live with abuse.

For help, or if you believe you know a victim of abuse please call:

The National Domestic Violence Hotline> 1-800-799-7233

The Childhelp National Abuse Hotline>1-800-4-A-CHILD

RAINN: Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network>1-800-656-HOPE